It would be ideal if the life stages involved in raising children and caring for aging parents occurred at separate times. However, many parents of young children find themselves caring for their own parents.

According to the Pew Research Center, 47% of adults in their 40s and 50s are both rearing children and caring for aging families. These members of the “sandwich generation” are simply following the words of 1 Timothy 5:4 which reminds us, “But if a widow has children or grandchildren, these should learn first of all to put their religion into practice by caring for their own family and so repaying parents and grandparents, for this is please to God.”.

Anyone who has been in this situation knows that juggling the priorities of multiple generations and maintaining financial balance can be quite difficult.

Open Communication With The Older Generation

Communication is the key to navigating this could-be stressful situation.

Loss of independence and financial matters are both sensitive topics. In the early stages of caring for a aging parent, ask them which financial matters they feel capable of taking care of themselves and which ones they feel comfortable handing over. Specifically discuss who will pay bills, who will make bank deposit and withdrawals, and who will work with insurance companies.

Lean toward helping them maintain as much independence in their own finances as possible, but keep an eye open for signs they may need more assistance. Even if they don’t tell you something is a struggle, it might show through in time.

Aside from the financial aspects, multiple generations living within the same home raises questions about raising children. Talk with your parents about your approach to child rearing, including schedules, who will provide discipline and which discipline methods you use. Being sure everyone in on the same page in the beginning will save frustrations and misunderstanding later.

Open Communication With The Younger Generation

The age of your children will largely guide your discussion about caring for their grandparents. However, even young children can understand the message of Acts 20:35; “It is more blessed to give than to receive” and this is an excellent opportunity to teach compassion and empathy.

Children can play a helpful role in helping a grandparent adapt to a new living situation.

The good news is, multigenerational households offer an excellent opportunity for children to form strong bonds with grandparents. Encourage children to listen to stories and ask questions about their grandparent’s younger days. The older generation will love reminiscing, and the younger generation will cherish the memories they make.

Organize Financial Information

It is important to organize financial information as early in the process of caring for aging parents as possible. The will prevent scrabbling for the information, or being denied access, when it is needed. Round up and organize…

• Social Security Numbers
• Bank account numbers and safety deposit box information
• Insurance policies
• Past tax returns
• Contact information for doctors, lawyers and other professionals

Consider All The Options

Caring for aging parents can take many forms. The arrangement you select will depend on the older generation’s health, as well as the financial impact.

Caring for aging family members while they continue to live in their own home, known as “aging in place”, allows for the highest level of continued independence. However, this plan requires the financial resources to maintain two households. Though it can be difficult, it may be possible if the older generation owns their home, has no debt and significant retirement savings.

Nursing facilities offer the lowest level of independence and can come at a high cost. However, they provide higher levels of skilled care than a family member can provide. Depending on income, there may be financial assistance available to mitigate the cost.

Merging households offers a compromise between the two extremes, and can be a cost-effective solution. Don’t assume that your parents need to move into your home. If their home is already paid for, while yours has a mortgage, it may be better for your family to move in with them.

Whichever solution you choose today, don’t assume it will always be the right one. As health conditions and finances change, it may be necessary to make another move.

Set Aside Time For Your Children

In addition to the financial commitments, caring for aging parents creates new demands on time and emotions. In order for children to continue to thrive and grow, you’ll need to take special care that they get one-on-one time with Mom and Dad.

Plan ahead for special outings and private quite time with children on a regular basis. When children know that they’ll soon have time alone time with parents, they are better able to handle the day-to-day distractions. Also, check in with children continually to find out how they are feeling about the situation and be sure they know they can come to you at any time to talk, ask questions of just for a hug.

Continue To Plan Ahead

Though caring for an aging parent forces the focus to the here and now, it is still important to plan for the future. Trim the budget, to the bare necessities if necessary, so that you do not dip into emergency accounts or your own retirement savings.

In the best-case scenario, continue to contribute to education savings for your children and to your own retirement accounts.

Ask For Help

When caring for an aging parent, the road can be long and difficult, but you do not have to walk it alone. Engage siblings and other family members in honest conversations and develop a plan for managing both the day-to-day responsibilities and the financial obligations together. Also, contact your county’s Office On Aging to find out what resources are available in your area.

Caring for aging parents, while also raising your own family, can be a difficult journey, emotionally, practically and finically. However, it is a responsibility with it’s own rewards.