When and How to Speak Up About Someone Else’s Money Issues
If you’ve ever watched a friend or relative make a bad financial decision, you know it can be difficult to figure out whether to say something or keep your mouth shut.
On the flip side, perhaps you’ve been the target of an unsolicited financial intervention that left you feeling hurt, angry or humiliated.
Every situation is unique, and there’s no perfect formula when it comes to broaching the sensitive issue of money. There are, however, biblical principles that can serve to point you in the right direction. Read on for eight actions to take before you decide whether to speak up or mind your own business.
Pray About it
Ask God to help you see your friend or relative through His eyes. Ask Him to guide you in your decision, and for Him to guide your friend as well.
Assess the Situation
This is twofold. First, assess your relationship with the person in question. Is this a close friend or just an acquaintance? Have the two of you talked about money before, or would a conversation about finances be foreign and inappropriate? Secondly, assess the financial problem as best as you can. Is it a small issue with minor consequences, or a major issue that could lead to financial ruin? If it’s something small, it’s probably best to stay silent. If it’s a real doozy, read on.
Take a good look in the mirror. Jesus explained this one best:
“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye”(Matthew 7:3-5).
If you’re thinking about confronting someone about a gambling problem and you have plans to visit a casino next week, you may want to rethink that one. Do you have to be perfect? Of course not. But be sure you’re not caught in your own financial sin pattern if you plan to speak with someone else about theirs.
Keep it Private
When Jesus talked about handling conflict in Matthew 18, He instructed believers to approach one another privately. If you decide to speak with someone about a damaging financial issue, do it alone. If you are personally being hurt by someone else’s financial sin and the one-on-one approach doesn’t work, proceed with the rest of Jesus’ instructions. However, if the money problem in question does not directly involve you (in other words, if the person is only hurting himself) seriously pray about whether it would be appropriate to involve others.
Remember, Timing is Everything
If you decide it’s necessary to confront someone about a financial problem, choose the time carefully. Don’t make it an ambush or a sneak attack. Let your friend know you want to sit down and talk, and mutually agree upon the best time to do so. I once completely bombed on this step, which is why I now think it’s so important. I wanted to talk to a younger relative who was in deep debt and not taking any actions to correct it. I saw myself in him, and I truly wanted to help in a compassionate way, but I chose the wrong time. The talk was awkward, rushed and ineffective. Lesson learned.
Consider the Consequences
What are the possible outcomes if you don’t speak up? Could your friend or family member face financial ruin? Will you forever regret not stepping in because you were too afraid to say something? On the other hand, know that there are also consequences of opening your mouth. Will it drive a wedge into your relationship? Are you willing to accept losing a friend—either temporarily or permanently—over the issue at hand? Know what you’re getting yourself into.
Know Your Motivation
What is driving you to speak up? Do you sincerely want to keep a loved one from making a big mistake, or do you just enjoy being right?
Speak the Truth in Love
If you have made the decision to speak with someone about a serious financial concern, do so with compassion, humility, patience and love. Clearly explain the reasons behind your decision to speak up. Offer to help find a solution. (This does not mean you should offer a loan. You can, however, offer resources that can help.) Talk to your friend the way you would want her to talk to you, and then listen attentively to the response.
Talking about money is rarely easy. Many times, it’s not appropriate to address someone else’s financial situation. But in some cases, God can use us to keep a loved one from going over a financial cliff.
